When you run after your thoughts, you are like a dog chasing a stick. Every time a stick is thrown, you run after it. Instead, be like a lion who, rather than chasing after the stick, turns to face the thrower. One only throws a stick at a lion once.

-Milarepa (via themeditationresolution)

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The Re-Definition of #GetChose2013

#GetChose2013 started as a Twitter hashtag joke. Then it caught on. And people started using it and relating to it. 

It wasn’t until I started using it with great frequency that I started getting flack. I was told that I was being needy, that in 2013 it’s about the women doing the choosing, that smart women don’t put themselves out like that. As a friend said to me, “Why would a good girl like you put out there that she’s trying to get chose?”
  
According to the Urban Dictionary (because Websters and the OED are missing this phrase…how odd), getting chose means:

Occurs when a woman wants to be in a serious relationship that could lead to marriage.
I’ve been attacked for the purpose of this blog before I started even writing in this space. And I get the criticism. The title of the blog is off-putting to many people who see “getting chose” or “trying to get chose” as the penultimate declaration of thirst and a sad expression of one’s life goals. 

Mea culpa. 

My bad, home skillet. That was not my intent to solely talk about “getting chose” in the way UGK talked about in this song. My intentions (like most things in my life) are deeper and guided by theory and practice. 

Get Chose: The Concept Explication

Let’s break this term apart a manner that would do Steven Chaffee proud. 

The word “get” means to come to have or hold something, to obtain something, to enter or reach a specified state or condition. To get is to become, to receive, to respond to a call, to arrive. 

The other word “chose” is the past tense of the verb to choose. To choose means the one picks out or selects something or someone as being the best or most appropriate of two or more alternatives. To choose can also mean deciding on a course of action. The synonyms of this verb include 

  • select
  • elect 
  • pick out 
  • opt 
  • cull 
  • prefer

Choice is the noun describing the act of selecting or making a decision. Sheena Iynegar wrote an entire book on choice. Famous for her studies on the ubiquitousness of choices we have in our lives, Iyengar goes deeper in her tome, touching on how humans process choice and the joys of making decisions. 

Sometimes we attribute the trajectory of a life to destiny or chance, forces that exist independently of our individual desires, actions, and motivations. Other times, we say that we are the sum of our choices. Perhaps all three–destiny, chance, and choice–contribute to where and how we end up, but choice alone gives us some measures of control, allows us to actively participate in our own making. Choice provides the opportunity to make the most of whatever destiny and chance send our way. And when things don’t go according to plan, choice enables us to recover, survive, and even thrive. (p. 270)

I like the part in the bold. Scratch that: I love the bolded sentences. The ability to choose (and being able to have the self-efficacy to follow through on that choice) is amazing. Yet many women (myself include) don’t take control and become passive participants in our own lives. We choose other people and circumstances; rarely when we come to the fork in the road, we chose the path always taken: the lovers, the children, the job, the career, the social organizations, the things that will make others happy. We don’t spend much time culling out the things we hope to have, electing the path that will take us to a new destination, refusing and submerging the call on our lives. In fact many of us aren’t trying to choose ourselves or what we desire.

Based on this analysis of the building blocks (get and chose), I re-framed the discussion (at least in my head). Get chose in popular culture can mean getting that ring, getting that dude, getting that Kleinfeld’s experience, moving down the aisle. But it can mean more. For me, it is the core of my 2013 theme, desires, and outlook.

Re-Defining #GetChose2013

#GetChose2013 means different things to different people who value different objectives. As we all climb the slippery slope of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, we have to embrace what we want, choose the best path to attain it, and just do it. 

It’s about doing you. It’s about the whispers of your heart that you have neglected. It’s about remembering the passions that stoked the fire in your belly once upon a time. It’s about being authentic, taking risks, and living inside of vulnerability.

For some, getting chose means finding and keeping the love of their true soulmate– themselves. For others it’s about finding the partner that is complimentary. This #getchose idea is about being the number one in someone’s life and finally having someone put my love on top.  

For a few of us it’s about the Sisyphean task of choosing ourselves and figuring out that we are the ones we have been waiting for all these years. It’s the realization that this mid-life or quarter life crisis, or Saturn return is a wake-up call to leading a fuller life. It’s about the need to cancel the clash between the projected you and the real you. 

This personal choosing of self can mean reconnecting with the passions that set our souls aflame, getting into a new fitness routine that grounds you, learning how to meditate and clear out our minds, becoming a bombshell, realizing our worth, finishing out first threesome (the menage a trois one or the swimming-biking-running triathlon one, your call), getting to orgasm (with a lover or with your own hand), getting the spirit, getting out of debt, whatever.

It’s your decision what you hope to focus on during #getchose2013.

Figure out what makes the most sense. If you’re ready to accept that invitation to love extended by a tall, dark stranger, go for that. If you’re ready to have an exquisite and fulfilling rendezvous with your deepest desires, go for that. If you’re finally read to do you in a way that you haven’t before and are ready to take the leap into something unknown and outside your comfort zone, go for that.  

Whatever you chose, be the best you possible. Do what you feel is in your best and divine interests. #GetChose2013 is a time for a restart and recharge. Use this year to turn your hot now sign on, get your groove started, do something new and fresh, rename remake and remodel your life.
 
In this blog space, I am chronicling my #getchose2013 journey. What is working for me may not be for you. Whatever #getchose2013 is for you, it is for you, and don’t let anyone make that decision for you.