Notes from a Book Club Meeting on "Get Married This Year"

Like I said before, I am the world’s worst book club member. I buy the book, put it in the ever-growing to be read pile, never read it, and then show up to the book club for food and wine.
Most book clubs hate me.
  
But I have stumbled my way through Dr. Page’s book so I was excited to go to this meeting.  There were about 20 women in attendance and we had a good time. My one wish was that the discussion was longer. (Actually, I had two wishes. One: longer time for Q&A. Two: More cookies.)
Here are some of the insights that I gathered from the talk and discussion:
  • It’s not about getting married to anyone. It’s about getting married well. Be dedicated to marrying the right one. You want to marry someone because he/she is special.
  • To know yourself is crucial. Know if you have the correct level of self esteem and self-worth because you marry at that level. Water seeks its level.
  • Don’t go through this process or through the steps in the book if you aren’t going to keep what you catch. It’s not just about the start of the relationship. It’s about the middle and the finish. You have to continually work on yourself and your relationship. (This echoes what so many couples have told me. Relationships are work. Love id work.)
  • Don’t date anyone you wouldn’t consider marrying. There’s no point because it doesn’t give your practice. (This contradicts the utilitarian dating advice from Harville Hendrix. Or so I thought. It’s a one-two step. You have to do the utilitarian dating to learn about yourself, your patterns, to develop a rhythm in the relationship. Once you get that down, then you can move into the laser-focus dating strategy that Page discussed.)
  • Happenstance, coincidence, luck, and serendipity don’t mean squat in the dating world. You have to put yourself out there. Like everything in life, you have to be open, willing and out there.
  • Single ladies should have three nights out a week dedicated to being out on the town. You can’t meet people if you aren’t out meeting people. You have to go find places where there are real, live men.
  • Ask those in your life to hook you up. Tell them you are really interested in a relationship and you would appreciate it very much if they thought about who they knew and who they can set you up. Tell them you will be grateful.  People eat this up.
  • If you have one that you thought was the one, check it out. If they aren’t available, pack it in. Inactive and unavailable ghosts can compete with the other available people you meet.
  • We blame a lot of things on timing. But those who want to make it work make the time.
  • Do your love resume. The purpose of this exercise is to go back in the past. Clear up the old flames. Look at the line-up. In the line up you will find the mistakes you made sometimes. What are you doing? People who are really ready to get going, have this list and they can draw a black line where the person below the line is not like the others.
  • Recovery time is important. It’s important to mourn a relationship. Even in a breakup you didn’t want to have, you can look back and say thank you for dumping me. He/she may be doing you a huge favor. 
  • The month-by-month steps in the book are artificial time lines. As she said, “Who would buy a book titled ‘Get Married in 5 Years?” It’s about the process more so than getting that ring by December 31. 

Most of this was in the book. But it’s always good to get visual and verbal reminders. Like I tell colleagues, I can tell my students some things until I am blue in the face, but it only clicks for them when a professional with a real job confirms what I said. Same lesson here. It was also refreshing to hear that the good doctor took her own advice and is now happily married.
So, that’s the summary of the book club meeting. Next month, I’ll be back to my normal routine of buy, never read, and show up for the goodies. 

Published by tianajohnson90

I am an oil-and-water combination of humor, ambition, laziness, insecurity, certainty, procrastination, and drive. I am an aspiring romance novelist who writes by the seat of her pants. Waging and sometimes winning a daily battle with procrastination, plots, characters, and the day job.

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