(This post was originally published at Sex and the Sisters.)
“It’s like my hot now sign is on.”
I have a bad habit of overhearing the most improper things at the right moment. The universe in its divine and infinite wisdom drop these gems into my lap so I can learn, grow, adapt, or laugh.
For those unfamiliar and uninitiated, there is a great place in the world called Krispy Kreme. Krispy Kreme does doughnuts. Don’t ask them to do anything else because KK’s wheelhouse is in creating light, sinfully rich and delicious glazed doughnuts. If you pass by a KK when the “Hot Now” sign is blazing red, you must pull over (or do an illegal U-turn, opposite traffic be damned) to get piping hot glazed doughnuts. (I dare you to click on that link–double dog dare you–and not want a doughnut.)
Now that I have started lusting after doughnuts, I will be short and sweet.
When I heard a friend say that, I laughed because it was real in her life. Once she got on purpose, started loving and engaging in her life, and doing her own thing, she became a magnet for all the things she wanted: top grades in her masters program, rewards and promotions at the job, finishing her long-distance races in record time, interesting men who wanted to court and woo her.
Then I paused.
Damn, I realized, I want my “hot now” sign on.
My “hot now” sign has been shut off for years, collecting dust somewhere in the attic of my life. I turned it off like with many other things in my life because of grad school and insecurity. When I was in my 20s, I didn’t know what the sign was or how it served as a beacon. But I had something that drew men to me. When I surrendered to graduate school, my dissertation, and the case of the blues that lasted way longer than it should have, I shuttered the sign, wrapped myself up in cynicism and drab clothes, and focus on the tenure track.
At this point in my life, I am craving something different, something new, something fresh. Now, I am figuring out how to turn my “hot now” sign on. I am relishing in this new feminine power that I feel, that I have. I love my body more than ever because of my connectedness to my space and to the muscles, fat, and curves that make me wonderful and beautiful, and I’m wearing clothes that showcase that. I love the curve of my lips, so I hit up the MAC store and Walgreens to buy lipstick, lip gloss, and lip liner to accentuate that. I love that I am witty and can flirt with the best of them, so I am pulling those talents out the attic.
I’m refurbishing my hot now sign. Not for anyone else, but for me. And soon enough, it will be out and back on. And I hope that with my efforts of self-care and doing me, someone will do a quick U-turn to scoop me up.