I Should Believe in The Gaggle (But I Don’t)

In the throes of my summer relationship breakdown recovery, this book popped onto my radar just as I was inhaling every piece of relationship advice I could locate in the self-help aisle.


The Gaggle, as defined by its authors, is “the select group of guys in your life – many of whom you are not explicitly romantically involved with – who play different roles, fulfill different needs, and help you to figure out who you are, what you want, and what kind of relationship you ultimately desire.”


The guys you should have in your gaggle or clique (sorry, I had to link to that song) are the following:


  • The ex-boyfriend who is still around
  • The hot sex prospect
  • The ego booster
  • The boyfriend prospect
  • The prospect you’re not sure is a prospect
  • The accessory
  • The career booster
  • The super horny guy who happens to be around a lot
  • The guy who just blew you off
  • The unavailable guy


After reading the book, I assessed the guys I call friends, and they each fit these roles. Several have fallen out of the gaggle and I have yet to replace them.


The reasons vary: Sheer laziness. Disinterest. And the realization that the men I placed in these roles–I ascribed them to these positions. None of them volunteered to these positions or avowed a strong desire to be in this role.


I think having a coterie of gentlemen that you can call upon in times of (real) crisis and (relationship) crisis is wonderful. 

But they need to agree on their roles in your life.


When I wrote about the friend zone, a friend called me on the fact that both parties have to agree to participate in the friend zone: the friend who is desired and places Person B in the zone agrees that this is the limit to their relationship and Person B accepts Person A’s arrangement.


Same thing here with The Gaggle concept. It’s cool to have these type of men in your life, but they need to know in which lane they can operate.

Published by tianajohnson90

I am an oil-and-water combination of humor, ambition, laziness, insecurity, certainty, procrastination, and drive. I am an aspiring romance novelist who writes by the seat of her pants. Waging and sometimes winning a daily battle with procrastination, plots, characters, and the day job.

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